Not Doing Well in Diet Land

So, it turns out that deciding to be on a diet is not all that it takes to actually be on a diet. I know this because I decided to eat better. I decided to eat less. I decided to exercise. And to all of the above I have not.

In fact, I ate cake. It was good. It was yummy cake! I blame Danielle for buying yummy cake. I resisted the cake at Saturday's birthday party but seeing it again at another party on Sunday was too much for me to resist!

It's funny- I want to eat better. But I don't want to want to eat better. It's like I'm mad at myself for wanting better. Sounds ridiculous but it is painfully true. I watch the fork near my mouth with pancakes or other dangerous items and though I know I should dodge the fork- I never do.

Don't get me wrong. I am trying a bit. I am doing a little better. My portions have been smaller than they normally are. So, that is good. But that is about all of the good.

I finally found my book and am loving it. It isThe Beck Diet Solution Weight Loss Workbook. I am on page 25 and am picking my weightloss plan and my exercise plan. God help me! Please! I am not good at sticking to a plan. It feels to restrictive. And because of this I am going to try just counting calories. That way, I don't have to cut anything 100% out of my diet.

Dr. Beck is a very smart person. Very insightful. She says that fat people have destructive thought processes that sabotage their attempts at healthful eating. I'm not sure what goes on in your brain but she is clearly inside of mine.

She says that fat people (she calls us "unsuccessful dieters") can't stand the feeling of hunger. That's me. She says that fat people interpret a craving as hunger. That's me. She says that fat people are so afraid of being hungry that they intentionally overeat to avoid the feelings of hunger. That's me. She says that fat people convince themselves that what they eat doesn't matter. That's me. She says that fat people feel that they should compensate themselves for a bad day with extra food. That's me. She says that fat people see that others can eat more withoug being fat and find it unfair and decide to eat more to even the playing field. That's me. She says that fat people feel defeated more easily. That's me.

So clearly Dr. Beck understands me. Now we are going to see if she can help me. I am following her book and will read more in the morning. For now I am going to bed before I eat anything else!